


Abraid

by TKXHV



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers for MTMTE 52
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-22 03:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7417519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TKXHV/pseuds/TKXHV
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an undetermined amount of time, Kaon wakes up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fanfic writing. I wanted to make this to ease my heart (and the hearts of any who need it) after the events of MTMTE #52.
> 
> _italicized words_ are spoken in Chirolinguistics.

~

Kaon's neck was sore.

His neck was sore, and his right hand was warm.

He couldn't quite tell where he was, his processor felt sluggish and heavy, struggling to come online fully. Kaon was lying flat on his back, he could tell that much, and as he became more aware, he could feel that his chest turbine had been removed and something was attached to his spark chamber. There was a steady, harsh beep that pierced his audials.  
A spark monitor?  
Was he was in a medical bay?

Kaon tried to sit upright but a nauseating burst of static rushed through his helm and quickly made him abandon the motion and remain still on the medibay berth. However, his attempt at movement had not gone unnoticed and the warmth around his right hand shifted and large fingers intertwined with his, a familiar voice speaking to him in a hush.

"Kaon? Are you awake?"

Tesarus.  
The stationary mech twitched his fingers and squeezed them in affirmation, hearing a relieved sigh from the other.

"That's... that's good. That's really good." Tesarus gave a weak laugh, "I was scared we were going to lose you a second time..."

Kaon opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by an excruciatingly sharp sting in his neck, instead making him emit a static-laced cry of pain. He heard the scrape of a chair being pushed back and Tesarus's other hand laid heavy on his abdomen, "Hey hey, don't try to talk. Nickel hasn't finished fixing your vocaliser yet. It's really... it got pretty damaged."

Damaged...

Hazy memories of what had happened were starting to surface.  
The embrace. The comforting hands cupping the sides of his helm.  
The sudden pain.

Kaon felt like he was going to be sick.

Tesarus cleared his throat awkwardly, "I should uh, go get her actually. Don't try to like... talk or get up or anything."  
Kaon felt him begin to pull away and a freezing panic washed turbulent over his spark, he clutched at Tesarus's hand in a vice-grip, stopping the large mech in his tracks. He flexed his fingers once before shakily moving them in a desperate plea.  
_don't leave me_.

There was a moment's silence before Tesarus moved again, leaning over him and clasping Kaon's hand between his, "We're not going to let him to get to you..." he said softly, deliberately not calling the mech by name, "You're safe, Kaon."

Kaon wanted to believe him, he knew that Tesarus would not lie like that.  
But his frame felt cold, his neck was hurting, his spark felt wretched and broken, and the large hands covering his own was so warm and reassuring.

He wanted Tesarus to stay with him.  
He wanted Helex to be here.  
He wanted Vos.  
He wanted Nickel.  
He wanted...

 

Kaon moved his fingers again.

_please_

 

Tesarus ex-vented and sat back down, stroking the knuckles of the smaller mech with his thumb fondly, "I won't go anywhere." he said, the smile clear in his voice, "But if Nickel yells at me for not coming to get her the moment you woke up I'm blaming you, okay?"


	2. Chapter 2

"All of Kaon's repairs have been finalized." informed Nickel, "Rebuilding his crushed helm was an intricate and time consuming task but all in all the surgeries were successful, and as far as damage done to his neck, spinal strut and cranial he will make a full recovery."

"However," she continued, tersely, "His brain module has sustained irreparable damage." Nickel glanced up briefly from her datapad and was met with silence. She scowled and continued, "It's too dangerous to even think about trying to fix as so many things can go wrong. Considering what happened, however, it's not as bad as it very well could have been."

"Based on the location of the injury to the brain, I'd say it's safe to say that Kaon would be experiencing communication and cognitive problems.", Nickel jabbed at the screen of the pad to scroll down, "I'm doing research on behavioral therapies to help him with this, I've talked to the others about it and they're all willing to do what they can to make things easier for him. Though we won't know exactly what to try until we know which symptoms he'll display. Kaon's already had some trouble speaking clearly so th-"

"Could mnemosurgery fix him?"

Nickel stopped and looked at the mech seated in the far corner of the darkened room. She sighed heavily and shook her head, "I wish it was that easy. From what you've all told me about mnemosurgery, it's possible that it could remove whatever symptoms he has but only if it were just that. Symptoms. The damage done is physical and cannot be fixed by an simple rewiring." She crossed her arms, malcontent clear on her face, "Not that I'd want you directing any invasive surgeries on him, " she growled, "He's been through enough trauma already. And I remember the whole planting false memories thing, I don't want to suddenly find that he has conveniently forgotten that you tried to kill him."

The shadows hid Tarn's flinch.

"Hmmph, not that you'd get away with it. I'm pretty sure Tes and Helex would beat you senseless before you could even start looking for someone who could do it."  
"I wouldn't-"  
"You're damn right you wouldn't," snapped Nickel, "None of us will let you. You're lucky I'm even keeping you up to date on his condition."

He didn't say anything, lapsing back into the silence he'd been in since the medic's arrival.

Nickel snorted in disgust and turned on her heel to leave, "You're impossible," she sighed. 

The door slid shut behind her, quarters finally engulfed in complete darkness.

 

Tarn buried his unmasked face in his hands and shook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought this fic was finished?  
> Me too.
> 
> I have no clue where I am going with this or how much more is going to be written, so it's going to be an adventure for all of us. In the meantime, enjoy this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Bolded words** are primal vernacular  
>  _-Italicized words-_ are messages.

Kaon's quarters was significantly quieter than the medibay. Nickel had deemed that constant medical supervision wasn't necessary anymore and he'd do a better job at healing the weld scars if he rested in a more comfortable environment.  
She harshly emphasized on "rested".  
Not that Kaon felt like doing anything to begin with.

So Kaon spent most of his time in his own habsuite, though lately he had been venturing out more to the ship's rec-room for a change of scenery. Always accompanied by one of his team as they were very reluctant to leave him alone. Even though he'd been assured many times that Tarn was confined to his quarters.  


Today though he stayed in his room, kept company by Vos, who thought it was time to bring up a topic everyone else had been avoiding.

" **They found out about who the Pet was, you know.** "

Kaon paused mid-sip of his low-grade and looked at Vos, "They... the autobots?"

He nodded in affirmation, " **We found its body in that glass house of a fortress they tried to hole up in, back of the neck was bleeding from mnemosurgery punctures. From what I could tell it was a failed attempt to undo the domestication.** "

The energon cube was carefully set on the table between the two, Kaon pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed a sad, weak laugh.  
"It'd be stupid t'be upset, huh?" his words slurring together, "The death of a spy's a happy thing."  
" **Ambus died the moment he woke up as the Pet.** " Vos pointed out, " **And the Pet was a completely blank slate.** "  
"Shouldn't've gotten 'ttached anyways," Kaon mumbled, "Wasn't a proper pet..." his fingers grazed the welding scar on his neck, expression unreadable, "S'my fault this happened."  
Vos narrowed his optics and leaned across the table, smacking Kaon's hand away from his neck, " **Don't be daft,** " he scolded, " **It's Tarn's fault and that's the end of it.** "

Kaon began to protest but Vos shushed him, " **Remember the other day when Helex told you he felt responsible for what happened because he didn't stop you from rushing back to the ship after the Pet was taken? You told him there was no way he could have known Tarn was going to do what he did, that he was not responsible and you didn't even remotely blame him.** ", he gestured to Kaon extravagantly as if to emphasise his point, " **If it's not Helex's fault, then it's not your fault either. Life is full of small happenstances and choices that have consequences that are beyond our knowing or control and it's utter slag but that's how it is. Okay?** " 

Kaon said nothing but nodded his head in understanding. 

" **And don't pick at the welds,** " Vos added, " **You'll aggravate them.** " 

For a moment Kaon looked like he was going to say something but instead picked up his cube and finished off the energon. Vos decided not to press him on it. 

" **I'll find you a proper pet,** " Vos said instead, " **An actual turbofox, maybe a young one that'll imprint on you easier.** "  
"Y'don't have t'do that."  
" **I don't but I will. Take advantage of getting spoiled for a while.** "  


Vos felt very proud when Kaon smiled for the first time since he woke up. 

  


~~~

  


Hours later, long after Vos took his leave to let Kaon get some recharge, Kaon sat alone in his room, leaning against the wall at the head of his berth, his gaze fixed on the screen of his personal communication device.

Kaon had typed and retyped dozens and dozens of messages, deleting all of them and contemplating on abandoning this frankly ridiculous endeavor. He cursed solemnly and shut off the communicator, tossing it on the berthside table and lying down, trying to calm himself.

After a minute, Kaon reached for the device and turned it back on, quickly typing out a single word and sending it before he had time to back out.

\- _Why?_ -

Time simultaneously stood still and dragged on at a painfully slow pace as Kaon stared at the screen, trying to desperately ignore the anxiety swimming in his tanks.  
The pad chimed to signal a reply.

  


\- _I'm sorry._ -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know where I'm going with this.  
> All I hope is that you guys are enjoying reading it.
> 
> Also I made a very small but necessary edit to the ending of the last chapter if anyone wants to check that out.


	4. Chapter 4

>>:. I’m sorry. .:  
Those two words were overwhelming to read, and harrowing to type.  
Tarn stared at the screen, the only source of light in his perpetually darkened quarters, and refrained from striking himself for such a response. Surely he could have done better than that? Tarn prided himself on his eloquence and could have constructed several hundred other apologies. If he weren’t confined to his quarters, there wouldn’t be anything stopping him falling to his knees and prostrating himself in front of Kaon and expound his regret over his actions.  
But in his spark he knew Kaon wouldn’t appreciate melodrama, no matter how sincere.

The comm device pinged.  
.: Good. :.<<  
.: But that didn’t answer my question. :.<<

This was a bad idea. Tarn shouldn’t have answered Kaon’s message in the first place. Why would he even think that it was the even slightest good idea to engage with Kaon? He’d been confined to his quarters by the others (Tarn couldn’t bring himself to call them his team, they deserved better than him, he didn’t understand why they hadn’t jettisoned him into space already) for several good reasons, one of which was to keep him far away from Kaon.  
But Kaon had reached out to him first, Tarn tried to rationalize, surely it was alright to talk like this? He was still far away from him, and they weren’t even “speaking” to each other, technically.  
Tarn would happily accept any form of ejection from the Peaceful Tyranny if it meant he could truly speak to Kaon again….

He needs to answer Kaon.  
He should keep it simple… or should he?  
Kaon appreciated directness and short answers, but with what happened wouldn’t it be better to explain in as much detail as he can why he did what he did?  
He itched for a transformation, more so than the real itch of the still-healing weld over where his transformation cog used to be. A self-inflicted surgery of self-punishment and penance, Tarn didn’t want to allow the satisfaction he gained in changing shape. Nickel came close to biting his head off at the mutilation, monologing about how she thought he’d stopped being a colossal slaghead.  
His t-cog is gone.  
His high-grade, stimulants, down the drain and gone.  
His fusion cannons gone.  
His mask is gone…

He needs to answer Kaon.

>>:. I was angry. .:  
>>:. It is not an excuse. I know nothing can ever excuse what I did. .:  
>>:. That is what it boiled down to. My temper broke its tether and it lashed out in a way that I never would have wanted it to. .:  
>>:. I am so sorry. .:

A sudden and harsh knock on his habsuite door made Tarn jump, interrupting him. Checking his chorometer he cursed softly, he had lost track of time.  
The knock was a mockery of courtesy, the door was locked from the outside, just giving Tarn enough warning that someone was coming in. Nickel had already made her weekly visit. Which meant it was one of his te- one of the others was here with his energon ration.  
Yesterday was Vos, shadowed by Tesarus, who had come the day before.  
So today was…

Helex’s massive frame darkened the now-open entrance to Tarn’s homey prison. Tarn got up from his seat and forced himself to meet Helex’s optics, as much as it hurt him to do so. Tarn deserved the hurt.  
Helex entered the room, standing firmly between Tarn and the closing door. Unnecessary, Tarn thought as he had no intention of even thinking to try and get past him, but good that precaution was being upheld. He didn’t expect anything less.  
Tarn took the energon cube silently, nodding to signify thanks, and the large mech began to leave.

The comm device pinged.  
Tarn felt his spark freeze as the noise made Helex stop in his exit and turn back, optics honing in on the brightly lit screen. Before Tarn could say anything the large mech stalked over to the table and snatched up the device, quickly reading over the messages before whirling around to Tarn. In a flash Helex grabbed and slammed him against the wall hard enough to dent – dent him or the wall? Tarn thought at the back of his mind, both most likely – pinning him there with his giant arms with no chance of escape.  
What would the point of escape even be? Tarn deserved this, he deserved it, he deserved it he deserved it he deserved it hedeservedithedeservedithedeservedithedeservedithedeserved…

“We told you to stay away from him,” Helex snarled, his voice shaking Tarn to the core, “We told you not to talk to him!”  
Tarn shuttered his optics, “Kaon messaged me.” He said weakly, “I didn’t want to ignore him.”  
“You don’t want to ignore him but you’re fine with _killing_ him?”  
Helex knew Tarn’s reasoning for what he did. They had gone over it several times now.  
Tarn was consumed with blinding rage, Tarn wasn’t thinking, Tarn was suddenly hit with the guilt and weight of what he’d done while on the battlefield, Tarn faltered, Tarn felt grief and anguish even through the chaos of the fight with Megatron. Even the victory over his former lord did nothing to diminish the crushing remorse.  
Tarn didn’t have the energy to repeat himself to Helex again. He wanted to tell Kaon all of this.

The comm device pinged again.

Tense silence dragged on.  
And on.  
And on.

The comm device pinged again.

Tarn exvented defeatedly, “If you are going to take it away so I don’t talk to Kaon, then please let him know why I’m not replying?”  
Helex stepped away from Tarn and looked down at the screen, reading the conversation slowly this time before shoving the device back into the hands of a surprised Tarn. “You better not say a damn thing to upset him,” he warned, “If Kaon wants to talk to you then that’s his decision.”

Tarn’s brain caught up with him just as Helex had reached the door to leave and he pushed out a strangled “thank you.”.  
Helex looked back at him.  
“I don’t like being angry at you,” he said quietly, “None of us do. Make up for what you did so things can be normal again.”

He left. The door sliding closed and locking firmly behind him.  
Tarn sat back down, took a moment to settle and organize his chaotic thoughts, and began to reply to Kaon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can do nothing but apologise for the mass amount of time that passed between this chapter and the last upload. It has been hard for me to continue this as I am unable to figure out where to go from here, and I don't know how long it will take me to finally know what to do.  
> However I wanted to get this part that I have written uploaded for any readers to enjoy. So maybe think of this as an open-ended final chapter that could continue on at a later point.
> 
> So until then, I hope you enjoyed this fic.

**Author's Note:**

> (I may or may not write a follow-up)


End file.
